Boundaries, Trust & Relationships
If we have healthy relationships with people and understand how and when to trust, how and when people have exceeded our boundaries, we wouldn't even be here, in this moment; reading about it. We would be off living it.
Julie Renee
8/7/20264 min read
It's difficult to have relationships, especially when you've been hurt from them in the past. Our brains remember the pain, the vulnerability and the pressures, only to find deep pain as the result. We may have grown up in a loving home, but at some point may have experienced someone taking advantage of us; using our words against us or gossiping behind our backs. People who we thought we could trust and rely on, and turns around to be backstabbing, selfish and content without remorse.
We could have grown up in a very abusive household, where we could trust no one and so our brains were wired to keep silent, hide and withhold our feelings. All of this framing our reality to protect us, and not knowing any better otherwise. The end result, not trusting anyone and usually using different defense mechanisms to protect ourselves from harm.
Both examples seem to be the extreme, but how often do people that have trust and boundary issues that don't have an extreme past? If we have healthy relationships with people and understand how and when to trust, how and when people have exceeded our boundaries, we wouldn't even be here, in this moment; reading about it.
There's many passages in the Bible about relationships. Examples from people of the past and how they felt with different human interactions. Some destroying one another, other's encouraging; yet all are great examples of how we interact with others today.
It's inevitable to interact to some level with others; unless you literally live under a rock, and only order from amazon or solely make your own supplies. But for most of us, we are face to face with other people all the time.
If we have spent anytime engaging with others in a negative way, there will always be this sense of hesitation. It's healthy to have boundaries, but how far do those boundaries go? Sometimes, and I suggest all the time; to allow God to show you where your boundaries need to be with each situation. When your moral compass is set correctly, it's easier to distinguish the imperativeness of having set limits to what you’re willing to do and say. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. When you respect your boundaries, others will too. And those who don’t respect them, don’t belong near them.
As you discover your relationship journey, keep in mind that we are made for community; and there are people who can be trusted. Take your time with relationships, trust correlates to our mental health. It takes practice to trust even ourselves before we can even show up for anyone else. When we become trustworthy to ourselves, we will naturally attract the right people in our lives who are also trustworthy.
Here are 5 simple steps to help you have healthy relationships. I go into more detail with each one in my podcast episode titled: Re-assemble Your Boundaries: Protecting What Your Healing Is Building
Step 1: Take inventory of our current relationships.
How in your current circle is trustworthy? Are they keeping their promises, showing up for you without a hidden agenda? How do they treat others or talk about others? Do other people in your circle respect them?
Step 2: Remove the current toxic people in our lives and analyze who we should keep near us.
Some may be harder to move out of your life than others, but it is vital to remove every single toxic person out of your life as much as possible. I know this will be difficult if they are family, or there's weird situations going on- okay. Keep your distance when you can physically, and always emotionally.
Step 3: Become a friend to yourself.
Being your friend is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself. You are the only person in your life that you are "stuck" with forever, no matter what. So take care of yourself. Be kind, honor your word. Show up for you when you don't feel like it. Take responsibility for your actions, and give yourself grace when it's needed.
Step 4: Allow Jesus to be your friend.
In John 15:15, Jesus tells his disciples that He is their friend. And friends share a special kind of relationship with one another. A bond that is hard to break. When we are friends with ourselves, it's easier to accept the friendship of God and all the wonderful benefits that relationship comes with. And through that relationship, you get trained on how to become a better friend to others.
Step 5: Be a better friend to the relationships you currently have.
Being present with someone is the #1 way to be someone's friend. Everyone wants to heard, everyone wants to have a voice that matters to someone. It can be hard to find people who care attribute to your tribe. Be a listening ear when they need someone to talk with. Offer to make a meal for them when they are not feeling well. Be that one person they can call when there's a tragedy because they know you've been through it, and you're strong enough to talk and pray with them through it.
God is a great project manager in our re-assembling process. When you have boundaries, and allow God to re-assemble them; you’re allowing Him to expose the areas where the enemy can still sneak in. And together, you’re creating a solid barrier between what you refuse to have in your life moving forward.
With this tactic strategy, you can remove the people in your life that no longer need to be there, even if they are good people for you. It may be the season to let them go, and see them during the holidays. You can also strengthen the relationships you are keeping in your season. And you will automatically have the relationships you want to gravitate to you because you put the effort up front.
If you're interested in listening to the podcast episodes where we dive deep into these three categories, check out the Spotify links below. You can also search the podcast title anywhere you listen to podcasts:
Re-assemble Your Boundaries: Protecting What Your Healing Is Building: SPOTIFY LINK
Re-assemble Your Trust: Learning to Trust Yourself, Others, and God Again: SPOTIFY LINK
Re-assemble Your Relationships: Building Healthy Connections After Toxic Ones: SPOTIFY LINK
