Turning Dead Trees into Living Ones

During the time I was in my abusive relationship, I would take the trash out every night. During this time, we lived in a small apartment complex where the large trash container was a walk towards the parking lot. If you listened to my podcast about gratefulness, you would have heard the entirety of this story, so I won’t get into all of it now. I will tell you that one night I looked up at the stars and felt at peace for the first time in years. I slowed my walking down and stared up at this magnificent sky as I walked.

There was a large dead tree between the parking lot drive way and where the sidewalk began, you had to pass through this area to get to the trash container. This was the only nature I can remember having there, as we were surrounded by desert landscape all around us everywhere else. No grass, no flowers. Just a roof, walls and death. And it was like all of a sudden, this blanket of stars showed up in my life out of nowhere (even though of course they've been there the whole time). I felt gratitude instead of anger during this realization, and it was beautiful.

I remember looking through the branches of this dead tree, looking at the stars… my only moment of clarity and being able to breathe. Because I knew as I slowly got back to the door to go inside, I always took one last breath to prepare myself for the awful night ahead.

Fast forward to the other night when I was taking out the trash were I am currently residing. Without the cruelty, harshness, devastation, ridicule or perverted trauma- without him in my life. And as I am walking towards the trash can, I begin to notice, that now when I take out the trash- I am surrounded by grass, flowers, plants and trees (some with fruit). I looked up at the stars surrounded by all this nature, and it hit me. How far I have come. My life is a complete 180 and I couldn’t be happier in this moment.

I was breathless, in the awe of God's promise. I stopped and took my time to the trash- because this time I could without consequence. There was no rush to go back inside, or dread waiting for me on the other side. And this night, I smiled and took in one last breathe before stepping back inside. This time, instead of dread, I was soaking in this moment to last forever.

It is possible guys. To leave a world behind you never thought you could. Paradise is out there, waiting for all of you who feel stuck, ashamed or feel trapped. I know, I’ve been there. But now. Im out. I’m on the other side of that hell. This isn’t heaven of course, and there is still pain and suffering. But this, right now. This is the best there is- I never thought I could be here. I cannot have him and this life at the same time. And I wouldn’t never choose him ever again. This is too good to give up for [worse] then nothing.

Join me on this journey to escape to the other side. If you need any help leaving, DM me on Instagram. Link at the bottom of the page. I will help you in everyday I can.

Also, if you are inserted in listening to my full story of how gratitude guided me to leave, you can listen to that podcast episode here:

Spotify / Apple podcast